Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here.

Dear Care and Feeding,

My daughter and son-in-law have a 2-year-old son, “Clay.” Clay has reached the phase where he is exploring his body.

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They are rather open-minded and have taught him to use the proper anatomical terms instead of saying things like “pee-pee” or “wee-wee.” The problem is that my grandson isn’t at all shy about telling everyone he meets about where and what his private parts are and do. Each time Clay has launched into these vivid descriptions when I have taken him somewhere, it has been a profoundly mortifying experience for me. Would it be appropriate for me to instill just a tiny bit of shame in him so that he stops doing this?

—Grandma of a Gratuitous Grandson

Dear Gratuitous,

The first thing to do is check with the parents—chances are quite high that if he does this with you, he’s done it with them. If they have a go-to response they’ve given him before to steer him away from this behavior, you might as well steal it for your own use. After all, repetition can lead to retention!

Based on what you’ve said about how Clay was raised, the parents’ refrain will probably go something like this: “Yep, bodies are awesome! But, we don’t talk about private parts with strangers. Not everyone enjoys talking about bodies.” Then, shoot a grimace toward the unwitting “audience.” And if Clay’s parents don’t have a phrase they use, then you’re welcome to steal mine. Talking about boundaries isn’t the same thing as instilling shame; it’s more about teaching kids to have empathy and respect for others’ comfort.

—Allison

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