Dear Prudence is Slate’s advice column. Submit questions here.

Dear Prudence, 

My husband is overall a caring and patient partner and father. We have two very small children so I know that’s not easy. But I’ve repeatedly asked him to do one thing.

When I express that I’ve hurt myself by saying “ouch,” ”ow,” or any other exclamations of pain, I want him to ask me if I’m OK, and make sure I’m not hurt. He NEVER does and claims he can’t hear me. I know that he may be looking at his phone or in the other room but I know he’s not totally hearing deficient. I’ve asked him many times and even threatened marriage counseling to get to the root of why he doesn’t ask if I’m OK. But he keeps insisting he just can’t hear me! I’m being driven nuts by this seemingly callous behavior. Wouldn’t you want to know if your wife is hurt?

—Ouch

Dear Ouch,

Help! I Just Wanted to Learn More About My Birth Family. Uh, I Wasn’t Prepared for What I’d Find. My Parents Had a Weird Philosophy About Raising Kids. I Worry I’m About to Inflict It On My Own Son and Daughter. Help! We Generously Offered to Take Over Custody of Our Grandson. We’re So Frustrated at How His Parents Responded. Help! I Woke Up to Find that My Boyfriend Wet the Bed. Again. But My Reaction Isn’t What He’s Expecting.

I have a theory that, generally speaking (except for those who are just really into holidays and/or gifts) if you’re in a happy relationship, you don’t care what your partner does or doesn’t do for you for Valentine’s Day. Similarly, I have a hard time believing that anyone who really felt good about their marriage and the way they were treated in it would be driven to couple’s counseling by the quirk of failing to say, “You OK?” from across the house. (And let’s be honest, saying, “Ouch” is what you do when you are fine! If you aren’t OK, there’s a loud crash followed by screaming or silence.)

If you felt seen, loved, and appreciated in your marriage you would simply think, “He’s a great guy but he’s got a few weird things, like we all do.” You know where I’m going with this. There’s something under the surface. There’s a bigger issue. You must have doubts about whether your husband cares about your well-being overall. You must find him callous in larger and more meaningful ways. You’ve got to be honest with yourself and him about that instead of obsessing over his reactions (or lack thereof) to your stubbed toes.

Classic Prudie

I know I’m not going to look great here, but here goes. I am a cis female living with my parents, brother, and nephew. Growing up, when I, my sister, or my mom had our periods and deposited them in the communal bathroom, my dad would throw a fit and demand that I take them out because he found it disgusting.