A wife confronts her husband, Jackson, about using their telescope to spy on neighbors having sex. Jackson justifies his actions by claiming they don't know, suggesting they take turns. His wife is disgusted and seeks advice.
The article explores the legal implications of voyeurism, highlighting the varying laws across states. It notes that the legality depends on the methods used (imaging devices vs. direct observation) and suggests that while it might be illegal, prosecution is not necessarily warranted.
The advice column suggests that directly confronting the neighbors might not be constructive. Instead, the wife should consistently express her disapproval to her husband, letting him face the consequences of his actions. The expectation is that his behavior will ultimately strain their relationship, forcing him to choose.
How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Have a question? Send it to Jessica and Rich here. It’s anonymous!
Dear How to Do It,
My husband “Jackson” and I live in a high-rise building, and a month ago, we acquired a telescope for star gazing. However, I recently discovered that it’s things that are down here on Earth that Jackson is observing.
The other night, I caught him using the telescope to look through the windows of the apartments across the street. It turns out he’s been watching a couple have sex through their bedroom window! I told him he needed to stop what he was doing. He replied that they had no idea he was watching them, so what was the harm in it? When I asked how he would feel if he found out someone was watching us, he responded with “flattered.” Jackson then suggested we take turns “watching the show.” I called him a pervert and left the room.
Do I need to stop my husband from doing this? I have no idea how to contact the couple he’s been spying on and even if I did, it would be humiliating as hell to have to explain what Jackson has been up to. Reporting him to the police (assuming what he is doing is illegal; I imagine it is) seems too severe, but short of that, how do I put a stop to his voyeurism?
—The Bodies He’s Observing Aren’t Celestial Ones
Dear The Bodies He’s Observing Aren’t Celestial Ones,
Wow, this is so Sliver. I know you’re not coming to How to Do It for legal advice, right? That said, voyeurism/peeping Tom laws vary by state, so while it’s possible that what Jackson is doing is illegal, it’s not certain. If you are curious about the law in your location, you’ll have to perform your own search. In New York state, for example, a state senate bill has been introduced to establish voyeurism as a crime in the first and second degree, specifically because “the similar crime of unlawful surveillance currently in effect in New York only applies to peeping Tom cases in which an imaging device is used, thus permitting peeping Toms to escape proper punishment if they do not use an imaging device.” In other words, if the peeping is performed by a device that does not produce an image (like a telescope or binoculars), it’s not a crime. In California, on the other hand, this might be considered a misdemeanor. Here’s an old breakdown of various peeping laws by state that will, if nothing else, give you a sense of how they have varied in the past.
I agree with you that turning your husband in to the cops would be severe. Notifying the people he’s spying on would make sure they feel the impact of his peeping, which I’m not sure would be particularly helpful. What he’s doing is creepy but it’s also true that what the people he’s creeping on don’t know isn’t hurting them. Telling them would make it hurt, if they care (if they’re doing this with their blinds wide open, you have to wonder how concerned they are about being seen and on which side that concern lies).
I don’t know that you need to do anything to stop your husband from doing this. He is a grown man. Controlling adults without resorting to coercion or abuse is notoriously difficult. You should make your opinion known and keep doing so loudly. It may cause fights or bickering, but when you see him doing the morally questionable thing that you disapprove of, mention it. If you know for a fact that where you are, this is an illegal activity, remind him of that. Let your displeasure be known and let him make his own bad decisions. I imagine if he keeps this up, it’ll lead to a wide rift between you two. He’ll ultimately have to choose between his spying or his marriage.
—Rich
More Advice From Slate
I’m a 38-year-old queer woman. A number of years ago, I was sexually assaulted, which left me with extensive physical injuries—it took five years of medical care to regain my health. This did a real number on my dating life (it flatlined) and knocked my confidence down a few pegs. I really missed the company of women, though. So I hired an escort, just to go to the movies and have coffee and dessert after, and talk about things. Turns out we had a lovely time, and we found we had things in common…
Skip the extension — just come straight here.
We’ve built a fast, permanent tool you can bookmark and use anytime.
Go To Paywall Unblock Tool