How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Have a question? Send it to Jessica and Rich here. It’s anonymous!

Dear How to Do It,

My husband recently played a horrible prank on me. Several nights ago, we were in bed when he asked me to feel his testicles.

He said he thought he felt a lump. A jolt of fear shot through me, and my heart immediately started racing, but I didn’t find anything. He kept encouraging me to continue. After 10 minutes, I told him I still wasn’t finding anything, and he replied, “Honey? Thanks a lot! That felt great!” and burst out laughing.

I was furious. The entire time, images of our two kids growing up without their dad were flashing through my mind because I thought he might have cancer! I spent the night in the guest room. The next morning, I told him he wasn’t getting laid for a month. My husband thinks I’m overreacting. Considering what he did, I think I’m being lenient. Thoughts?

—He Won’t Be Having a Ball for a While

Dear He Won’t Be Having a Ball for a While,

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I don’t blame you for reacting strongly. He scared you and made you feel on his balls for 10 minutes. That’s a lot of time to be down there, no matter how big they are. Spending the night in the guest room was a good way to underline your upset. Maybe an ensuing chilliness for a few days would work as well. No sex for a month does seem like a lot, but look, if you really don’t care and you think this is the best way to convey the message of, “Never do that again,” well, your body, your choice. But you might use the month to reflect: Why is it so easy for you to give up sex for a month?

What I don’t like about using sex as a bargaining chip is that it assumes that your husband derives way more pleasure from it. Otherwise, depriving him would also mean depriving you, and why punish yourself? If that is, in fact, the state of things, well, I would pursue a more equitable arrangement. What are you not getting that you want? What could be done differently? Discussing this stuff could be useful, especially if you’re just taking for granted that your sex life is way more important to him than it is to you.

—Rich

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