I am getting married in two weeks, and I’m really excited! We have been planning this wedding for nine months. One of our biggest scheduling concerns was my fiancé’s brother: He’s in the Army. Yesterday, he told my fiancé that his wife would not be joining him at the wedding. Last week, she auditioned to be a dancer for a professional football team and was offered the job. (There’s a game on our wedding day.) I am shocked and hurt that she made this decision! I am also shocked that my future brother-in-law supports his wife’s choice. Even my future mother-in-law is making excuses for her, saying it’s always been her dream. Should I accept her decision — or call her to tell her how disappointed I am?

BRIDE

I certainly understand your excitement for your wedding day! But I’d like to help you understand something else, too. Most people I know face challenges that aren’t fully appreciated by others. Serving in the military is a great example: There’s often a risk of grave injury and prolonged separation from family. That can be rough on a marriage. So, if this couple’s hardship is eased by your future sister-in-law reaching her dream of dancing at professional football games, I say dance it up!

Now, this response requires perspective from you, and I don’t blame you for resisting it initially. Of course you want your families there to celebrate your big day! But that doesn’t make it the only priority. If you had just landed your dream job — probably against some stiff competition — would you want your first interaction with your new boss to be to ask for a day off? (I wouldn’t.)

Try to be happy for your future sister-in-law. You are both getting something that you want. Congratulate her on her new gig. Now, you may not mean it wholeheartedly when you do, but trust me: Life is long. And there is no sense in starting your married life in a snit over someone else’s dream come true.

Professional Dress, Professionally Addressed

A woman who works for me dresses provocatively. We work in a formal, professional setting. One day, she wore a black lace dress with cleavage. I blurted out: “Boy, you’re dressed up for a Monday!” (She told me she had a date that night.) I receive complaints from co-workers that her outfits are distracting and unprofessional. I contacted human resources, and they told me to handle it. Help!