This story is from the spring 2025 edition of VICE magazine: THE ROCK BOTTOM ISSUE. To subscribe to receive 4 print issues of our newly relaunched magazine each year, click here.

Look at you. I bet you think you’re pretty hot shit in the feeling sorry-for-yourself stakes, don’t you? Well, let me clear something up: No one likes hangovers, most grandparents secretly want to die, and paying tax is an inviolable part of the social contract. The world is burning! A broken heart never heals! Market forces and computer algorithms can, and most likely will, euthanize everything you ever loved as soon as it stops generating financial profit! This is the 21st century and this is how we do things here. If you don’t like it, go find a mystic to chide.

Without further ado, we regrettably present The VICE Guide to Rock Bottom; spoken into existence by people who really do know what the trough of piss, shit, and tears at the bottom of the world looks, feels, sounds, smells, and tastes like. Due to space constraints, we had to cut a guy who walked all the way from New Jersey to Uruguay while going totally blind then nearly dying in Scotland, if you want an indication of the levels here.

SETH FERRANTI

Pictured: Seth Ferranti

After going on the run when he was caught selling LSD and cannabis in 1993, Ferranti (pictured above) spent 21 years in the can. While inside, he became a journalist and VICE’s prison correspondent, and upon release made a series of films, writing the screenplay for hit Netflix documentary White Boy. At the time of the magazine going to print, Ferranti was on the cusp of returning to prison, again on drugs charges.

“When I got sent to federal prison as a first-time, nonviolent LSD and cannabis distributor, things were pretty rock bottom. I was only 22 and was sentenced to serve 25 years; more time than how old I was. Being thrown into prison with gangsters, bank robbers, and crack dealers was a different world for me. I had to adapt rapidly. It was sink or swim. It looked bleak.

“But when you hit rock bottom, the only place you can go is up. I took college classes in prison, wrote articles and books, got out in 2015, and started making films. Even though I’m back in a rough spot, staring down the barrel of these new charges after my cannabis arrest in Nebraska, I keep my outlook positive. I’ve spent 30 of the last 33 years either in prison, on probation, on bond or in pretrial, so I’m used to it by now. I believe in positive thinking to get you where you wanna be. No matter what, keep your head up, chest out, and chin up.”

BIET SIMKIN

Once dubbed “The David Bowie of Meditation,” Simkin hit rock bottom at a time of tragedy and addiction. She went on to invent her own breath-work method, tutor rich, famous clients, and author the best-seller Don’t Just Sit There!

“My father died, my best friend hanged himself, and my house burnt down while I was a heroin and cocaine addict. I was about to turn to high-end prostitution when I realized I just couldn’t do it. So I got sober and returned to the work of my father, who was an awakened spiritual teacher.

“The way enlightenment has been taught to us is this fucking bullshit idea that you hit rock bottom once and that’s it. Life goes up, down, and all around. In fact, if you don’t hit a new rock bottom every day, you’re just not paying enough fucking attention.

“We don’t have to be on heroin, Skid Row, or the verge of prostitution to have a rock bottom. It could just be you, looking at your life honestly and being like, ‘Wow, here’s the way I’m a fucking arsehole today,’ and then pivoting. That’s a fucking miracle and most people never do it. Get going with those rock bottoms, because who knows where your life could go if you actually got honest with yourself.”

JONATHAN AITKEN

The blue blood ex Tory cabinet minister went to prison for perjury, following a separate high profile scandal relating to the solicitation of sex workers for Arab businessmen. He later became a priest and then wrote a controversial biography of the president of Kazakhstan, among other works, including: Doing Time: A Spiritual Survival Guide.

“My most obvious rock bottom moment was entering Belmarsh Prison on an 18-month sentence. Nothing had prepared me for the grimness of the reception hall; the people in moods of desperate despair, anger, sadness, and brokenness, realizing their worlds had imploded. I was a former cabinet minister, so I’d probably fallen further and more dramatically than anyone.

“I was the wing cleaner, which means the toilet cleaner; a rather important figure on a prison wing.”

“You could hear the noise from at least 100 paparazzi, all congregated outside. I continued to occupy news bulletins and front pages, which was all part of the shame and disgrace. I was public enemy number one. Yet I went to a school in Suffolk where the motto was ‘nil desperandum,’ which means never despair.

“There is always going to be something to get on with and do. I was the wing cleaner, which means the toilet cleaner; a rather important figure on a prison wing. I also discovered a new trade: writing letters. A large number of people in prison are illiterate and thus extraordinarily grateful when word gets round that there’s someone who doesn’t mind writing letters for people, often on the most intimate subjects imaginable. There were queues outside my cell every night.

“It was very easy to see that I’d gone badly off course. I found church in the darkness of prison.”

TYSON ADAMS

The University of Washington Economics graduate became addicted to porn at a young age and hit rock bottom when he had to quit masturbating due to a bladder illness. He moved to Laos and opened a philanthropic coffee house, also helping to install water wells, before becoming a men’s coach, sex therapist, and anti-porn campaigner.

“I was addicted to porn for 20 years, masturbating daily and regularly. It impacted all of my relationships and created so much pain and loss of life force for me. But it got much worse when a spermicidal lubricant condom set off a series of events that put pins and needles through my entire urethra, my testicles, and my bladder. I was in excruciating pain for several years. Western medical doctors, doctors in Thailand and Mexico, Ayurvedic doctors in India… Nobody could figure out what was wrong with me.

“It got worse when a spermicidal lubricant condom set off a series of events that put pins and needles through my entire urethra, my testicles, and my bladder. I was in excruciating pain for several years.”

“It was too painful for me to masturbate, so I ended up having to quit pornography. In addition, I had massive erectile dysfunction because the antibiotics and the antifungals I was taking tanked my nervous system. I also ended up with premature ejaculation. I got to a place that was so low, I considered taking my life. I was in a place where I was in so much pain that I thought it was better to leave than to continue working through it.

“I went on a psychedelic mushroom journey as a last resort. I moved through a ton of all the pornographic trauma that was in my system. Having outgrown porn almost ten years ago and moved through my premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction issues, it’s become my greatest gift. I work with men who suffer from these issues, and it’s become my purpose. In our darkest times, we can discover what we love to do and what we’re good at.”

DAVID HOLMES

The Harry Potter stunt double broke his neck during the filming of the sixth movie. It left Holmes paralyzed, and he went on to star in the HBO documentary The Boy Who Lived about the experience. He also took up automobile racing and launched a podcast called Cunning Stunts to raise awareness of the risks faced by stunt actors.

“When you break your neck after a devastating spinal cord injury, the first thing you realize is that ‘rock bottom’ is far deeper and further away than what you had previously considered. In a split second, I went from having the body of an athlete to needing 24-hour care, 365 days a year—but for me this was the beginning of a quest to discover where my rock bottom exists.

“Turns out this never stops being tested… Bowel accidents on top of mountains in Switzerland; involuntary erections in embarrassing public situations; misfiring catheters covering my leg in urine during a TV appearance; fighting for my life after a bout of surgeries and complications leading to a brain surgery; crying in front of friends, family, even strangers… All of these things have happened to me yet I still haven’t found the ‘rock’ and definitely not the ‘bottom.’ You will be surprised just how strong you can be when you have to. Maybe my rock and my bottom will be six feet in the ground; until then I will endeavor to keep my eyes to the sky and have faith that when I’m tested, I will be strong enough to deal with it.

“My advice? Never consider life to have any bottom or top. Instead of getting swept away, always try to surf the waves of life.”

DAVE HODGES

Photo: Sherry Tesler

Hodges was an activist pushing for reform of the laws surrounding weed, until his cannabis collective was forced to shut. He has since carved out a new role for himself as leader of a 115,000-member magic mushroom religion called The Church of Ambrosia, and has been branded “The Prophet of Shroom” by Fox News.

“In 2016, the city council passed a law that forced me out of San Jose, where I’d been running a cannabis buyers’ collective. I was lost in life. Then, a few years later, in my first breakthrough mushroom dose, I was lucky enough to talk to some golden beings who explained what I needed to do. The thing is, after you’ve done a bunch of high dose mushroom work, you understand that we don’t die anyway. Our soul exists outside of space and time.”

JEN NELSON

Photo: Greg Morrison

Nelson hit rock bottom after multiple car accidents and opioid addiction left her street homeless. She found that cannabis helped her get off opioids, then started giving it out for free to those battling similar demons on the streets of Vancouver, in such industrial quantities she’s now known as “The Cannabis Angel of the Downtown Eastside.”

“Several car accidents in my twenties left me unable to work. I ended up addicted to pain meds after being injured from head to toe. I lived on the street for one year, in shelters for a few more, then eventually got a room in a terrible ‘single-room occupancy unit.’ As awful as this place is, I’ve rebuilt my life here. I quit all pharmaceuticals, cigarettes, and drinking, too! I even started my own small business where I help better people’s lives every day.”

TONY SALES

Once dubbed ‘Britain’s greatest fraudster,’ Sales says that he was led towards crime by sexual and domestic abuse in his childhood. At one point, he pulled out his own teeth to stop police analyzing his dental records, and hit rock bottom when his kids visited him in prison. He went on to author The Big Con: How I Stole £30 Million and Got Away With It, star in a VICE documentary, and co-found anti-financial crime firm, We Fight Fraud.

“Just before I got caught, after being on the run for over five years and being known as one of the UK’s biggest fraudsters, I knew that I couldn’t keep up all the shenanigans and lying to everyone. I went to prison, and when my wife and kids—who hadn’t even known I’d been on the run—came to visit, I said to myself, ‘It can’t get no worse than where I’m at now. I’ve just been fucking about and wasting my life. What can I do to change it?’

“It taught me that all the stuff I’d been doing was to cover up what had happened to me as a child. I realized that if I didn’t change, I’d push everything that’s happened to me onto my kids. It taught me I can’t make decisions that are going to affect others around me badly. Realizing that allowed me to climb out of the deep, traumatic hole I’d been in most of my life.”

SOPHIE JAMES

A 17-year-old tearaway when her mum kicked her out, James was catapulted onto a wild journey taking her from the streets of West London to yogic redemption.

“One of the pivotal moments in my life was being kicked out of my house, age 17, and put on the streets. No house keys, no phone credit, no Oyster card, no cash. I was sitting outside the homeless persons unit at Hammersmith and Fulham Council, with bin liners full of my stuff, because I’d been given half an hour to get out of the home I was brought up in.

“They asked for a letter saying why I couldn’t live there any more. My mum wrote it and handed it to my dad, who came and dropped it off to the council. It was along the lines of, ‘sex, drugs, boys, and piercings.’ The council gave me a DVD of my options, which was hilarious, because I obviously had no DVD player or screen to plug any of this shit into.

“A friend took me in, and I got into working in the music industry. Even if everything you have is forcibly taken, it forces us to sit with that present moment and allow for the support or the magic to come in and reveal itself, in whatever form that may be.”

JACOB DUNNE

Aged 19, Dunne punched a man on a night out and accidentally killed him. After serving his time, he reconciled with the parents of the dead man and turned his life around, becoming a criminologist, educator, and author.

“Rock bottom was sitting on the sofa at home with my mom and her finding out that I’d been arrested for murder, and thinking, ‘What the fuck? I’m 19 and I might be in prison for a very long time. I’ve killed somebody and I’m gonna have a criminal record now. [Dunne punched a 28-year-old man during a group altercation that his friends had provoked on a night out. The man died after falling and hitting his head.] I’ve got no qualifications, I’ve got really low self esteem and I’ve been groomed into toxic masculine cultures and gang culture, so I haven’t even got the emotional literacy to express myself or understand how I feel.’

“Ultimately, you’re never more than two steps away from rock bottom.”

“I ended up serving 14 months in jail. There just has to be that switch, where you go, ‘You know what? I’m tired of running away from my problems.’ There’s no one with a control pad playing out our lives in real time—unless you believe in those conspiracies that we’re living in some sort of fucking alien simulation. Ultimately, you’re never more than two steps away from rock bottom. A couple of bad choices and you’ll find yourself back there pretty quick.”

JOE TRACINI

In 2003, Tracini was a British junior magical champion. He starred in Hollyoaks, among other things, but lost his way, suffering from drug addiction and borderline personality disorder. He returned to the public eye as the author of Ten Things I Hate About Me: How to Stay Alive With a Brain That’s Trying to Kill You.

“If you’d asked me five years ago when I hit rock bottom, I would’ve answered in a heartbeat: ‘27th birthday; shat myself in Waitrose.’ But it’s been a long five years. I’ve had borderline personality disorder for the vast majority of my life, not least because I spent ten years being a massive drug addict who kept trying to kill himself; and while that’s very much a part of my past, I think it’s fair to say that I’ve been back at rock bottom for the last two years. I’m not covered in my own shit, but rock bottom is relative.

“I know why I’m struggling: I’m worried about climate change; I don’t have faith in politicians; I didn’t mentally recover from the lockdowns because I didn’t realize having everything I know and love ripped away from me was traumatic at the time. In short, life is a nightmare because I’m awake and not an idiot. That, and I can’t afford salmon.

“Look, I live with a personality disorder that tells me taking my own life is a good idea, so my rock bottom is not a place from which I should be dishing out advice, but what I can tell you is that the best thing I do while I’m down here is make sure I don’t go anywhere. When you get to the end of this many awful days in a row, tomorrow never feels worth it; but I absolutely deserve a good day at this point, and I know the only chance I’ve got of getting it is to keep waking up.

“In November, I’ll be 13 years clean. Life got better before, so I have hope.”

URIEL DELGADO

Bestiality-related court cases are actually few and far between; prosecutors hate taking them on, and few lawyers are actively out there seeking clients who spend their time erotically bothering animals. Delgado, an American of Mexican descent based in Georgia, went on the record about what it’s like to be a bestiality lawyer.

“I predominantly do immigration law. When you do a good job, clients will refer you to their whole family. They’ll call if they need a green card for a cousin, if they get into a car accident—or if their brother gets accused of bestiality.

“Initially, it was explained to me that someone’s brother was accused of trespassing and killing a goat. We later learned that the allegation was that the client, in the middle of the night, broke into a barn, smashed the goat against the concrete, and killed it… then had sex with it.

“Growing up, it wasn’t much of a taboo that young men would get involved with, let’s say, a donkey.”

“I wasn’t disgusted. You know, a lot of people get accused of crimes they haven’t committed, so I didn’t assume he was guilty. A unique part of this was the cultural difference… He’s a Mexican guy. I’m also of Mexican background. Growing up, it wasn’t much of a taboo that young men would get involved with, let’s say, a donkey. I know it sounds crazy, but it was thrown around almost as a joke. My client was taken aback by how serious the case was, how much attention it was drawing. He’s saying, ‘I didn’t hurt anyone.’ He understood, morally, that what he was accused of was wrong, but was probably thinking of it as kind of like… a traffic infraction.

“In court, we brought in his family. We brought in literature. We put on a spectacle to get this guy out on bond, but even then they were saying, ‘No, no, no.’ That’s when things really sank in for him… when the prosecutors were just saying how grotesque this was.

“Some colleagues reached out and were like, ‘You know, your case might end up in a law book.’ That was pretty cool, man; to potentially leave an impression in the field.”

If you or someone you know is considering suicide, help is available. Call 1-800-273-8255 to speak with someone now or text START to 741741 to message with the Crisis Text Line.

This story is from the spring 2025 edition of VICE magazine: THE ROCK BOTTOM ISSUE. To subscribe to receive 4 print issues of our newly relaunched magazine each year, click here.