Good Job is Slate’s advice column on work. Have a workplace problem big or small? Send it to Laura Helmuth and Doree Shafrir here. It’s anonymous!

Dear Good Job, 

I work at a company where I’m relatively new and in a junior position. Recently, I overheard two co-workers making fun of a client’s noticeable limp behind his back. Their comments were cruel and dismissive, and I was deeply shocked.

This incident hit especially close to home because my 8-year-old niece is an amputee. Her leg was amputated when she was 4, and she has a pronounced limp when she walks with her prosthetic. I’ve seen firsthand how unkind remarks can affect her, and the whole time I was listening, I just kept picturing her in my head. Hearing my co-workers act this way has completely changed how I view them. I’m struggling to be civil toward them because interacting with them makes me angry.

While I wanted to speak up, I felt powerless to do so because of my position in the company. I don’t know how to address this without jeopardizing my standing here. How can I navigate this situation?

—Grossed Out Uncle

Dear Grossed Out Uncle,

Your co-workers sound like classic high school bullies. Making fun of someone—a client, no less!—behind their backs is immature and completely inappropriate behavior, and mocking someone for a disability adds a layer of cruelty that is shocking. (Although, given the current political climate, perhaps it shouldn’t be that shocking that bullies are feeling emboldened.) I’m sorry that you have to work with these people and that you have an especially personal connection to their rudeness.

If your co-workers are willing to make fun of someone with a limp, you can rest assured that they won’t hold back when it comes to mocking anyone else they perceive as weak. I would urge you to speak up the next time you hear them saying something offensive. A simple, “Hey, that’s not cool,” will let them know that how they’re talking is not OK. As for keeping your sanity at work, keep being civil, but don’t feel like you need to keep up niceties with these particular co-workers. If they continue, I suggest making a very detailed note of every insult they say and bringing it to human resources.

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Dear Good Job,

After years of working with a highly toxic manager, I recently left a former dream job. The situation was untenable, and I was privy to information that confirmed to me that things were not going to improve. I’m proud of myself for prioritizing my mental health, and I am very grateful that I’m able to take some time to just decompress and recover.

But I will eventually be looking for a new full-time position, and I’ll be doing so with a gap in my résumé. I’m not sure how much to share about my reasons for leaving my bad job. Part of me wants to be completely open in order to destigmatize the discussion of mental health and stress the importance of healthy work environments; another part of me worries that a potential new employer will see me as somebody who can’t handle tough stuff and might turn on them someday. Thoughts?

—Actually Tough as Nails

Dear Actually Tough as Nails, 

First, let me say that I’m proud of you for putting your mental health first and getting out of a toxic work environment! To address your question, I’d love to be able to give you the advice that you can be completely open about taking a mental health break from full-time employment, but given the current state of the economy and the difficulty that many in the “laptop class” are having finding work (I’m assuming you might fall into that category), I’m hesitant to recommend full transparency here.

I would explain your resume gap with as little information as possible—that is, only if they ask. Give them just enough to satisfy their curiosity about why there’s a gap, without going into great and gory detail about your prior company. For example, if you want to focus on career advancement, you could say something like, “The possibilities for advancement there were limited because upper management has all been in their positions for a very long time, so I decided to take some time off, regroup, and seek out a new role at a company that had a more well-defined career path for me.” (This assumes that the company you’re interviewing with does, indeed, have a more well-defined career path, of course.) Best of luck out there—and congrats again on getting away from your bad boss.

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Dear Good Job,

Help! I Found the Handkerchief My Mother-in-Law Was Using for a Really Offensive Test. My Roommate Refused the Lottery Ticket I Bought Her. That Might’ve Been the Biggest Mistake of Her Life. Help! The New Neighbors Follow a Strange … Lifestyle. They’re Holding Our Block Hostage. I Overheard My Colleagues’ Cruel Conversation. I Can’t Look at Them the Same.

Thank you for the response to “Anyone But Them“! It’s me. I appreciate that you caught a significant concern I was internally stressing out about, namely the fear of moving from my comfortable position—20 years at one organization is definitely a comfortable spot. I do think I would be qualified; however, upon reflection after further sleepless nights, I realized that the Big Boss position isn’t the right fit for me. AND my co-worker has more reasons for not applying than I considered at the time of writing, so secondary win.

I did end up having a conversation with my manager before seeing your response. We’ve agreed to shift any overlapping program duties completely over to me, and help the search committee narrow the focus for the boss job description to what the organization really needs at the top. I consider both significant professional steps, and I’m shaking a little of that comfort off for new growth. Getting to keep doing what I’m great at, for a fantastic organization, fills me up, even when I have moments of doubt. So thanks for offering an (not completely expected) answer and helping me get some sleep again!

—Still Anyone But Them

Dear Still Anyone But Them,

What a great conclusion! I love that you were able to really reflect on whether the position was right for you, and also that you took the initiative to speak to your manager about it. Everyone reading this, take notes! Here’s to more moments of discomfort that lead to growth.

—Doree

Classic Prudie

My fiancé has started to telecommute full time and it is affecting our relationship. He has turned into a complete slob: unkempt beard, PJs day in and out, eating junk food, slacking on chores. We used to both be vigilant about keeping up the house, but now if I want dishes done before I come home to cook, I have to do them myself. I have to fight traffic, get groceries, and come home to the equivalent of a teenager playing video games…

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