Good Job is Slate’s advice column on work. Have a workplace problem big or small? Send it to Laura Helmuth and Doree Shafrir here. It’s anonymous!

Dear Good Job,

My co-workers and I are trying to figure out what to do about the office weirdo, “Ivan.” Ivan hasn’t done anything illegal; he just makes everyone really uncomfortable.

He frequently stands too close to people when talking to them. His clothes are always a bit messy and he has serious body odor. He doesn’t look people in the eye when he speaks to them. He’s oblivious to social cues like when someone is hinting they have to end a conversation and get back to work, and just gives off a general hinky-ness. What’s a way of getting Ivan transferred so we don’t have to deal with him?

—Striving for Normalcy

Dear Striving,

Is Ivan good at his job? He probably is; people who are perceived as weird often have to be twice as productive as normies to get and keep a job. Your discomfort is a You Problem, not an Ivan Problem, but there are ways to learn from it and Ivan’s presence in your office.

It sounds like Ivan might be neurodivergent. Whatever his diagnosis or identity, though, you all would benefit from clearer communication. Rather than expecting him to pick up on subtle social cues, tell him explicitly when you have to end a conversation: “I need to get back to work now. See you later, Ivan.” If he’s standing too close for your comfort, explain the situation factually: “I prefer to keep about four feet of distance from someone when we’re talking, thanks.” Use the same tone you would for statements like, “The recycling bins are under that cabinet,” or “The staff meeting was rescheduled for Thursday.”

Help! My Fiancé Took a DNA Test. Now I’m Considering Calling Off the Wedding. I Made a Simple Request of My Friends With Kids. Well, Now They’re Outraged. Help! My Daughter’s Widower Is About to Remarry. I Can’t Believe Who He Chose. My Prom Is Coming Up. My Mom Has a Scheme That’s Sure to Ruin It.

It’s easy to build camaraderie with co-workers by sharing an annoyance. I’m all for it when the annoying person is in a position of power; feel free to bond over what a jerk the CEO is all day long. But it’s cheap and unsustainable when the object of your shared scorn is less powerful. There’s probably at least one person in the “Isn’t Ivan Weird Club” with an invisible disability or who has friends or family who are neurodivergent. They’re learning not to trust you.

“Plays well with others” is a report-card cliché, but it’s true that one way to advance in your career is to work well with people who are different from you. You learn from their perspectives, and a ton of research shows that diversity makes teams more successful. Working with Ivan is a chance for you to develop your own skills in communication, adaptability, and inclusion. Your energy is better spent there than trying to devise a way to sneakily get him transferred (which you probably wouldn’t be able to do anyway). If you’d like to learn more about neurodiversity, read the book NeuroTribes: The Legacy of Autism and the Future of Neurodiversity; personal essays from autistic journalists; or the delightful Daily Tism, a satirical website by and for autistic people that might help you understand Ivan’s perspective on working with a bunch of inscrutable neurotypicals.

—Laura

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