Dear Prudence is Slate’s advice column. Submit questions here.

Dear Prudence, 

Thanks to DNA testing, my fiancé and I just learned he has six children by different women. Apparently, he used to be fairly active on the sex club/party scene during his college days, and all involved were careless. I am reeling and don’t know if I can handle this. Should I get out while I can?

—Blindsided

Dear Blindsided,

As a general rule, if you’re ever asking yourself, “Should I get out while I can?” you probably should. Children are not the end of the world! It doesn’t sound like your fiancé has or plans to seek custody of any of them, so this news may not even affect your life very much.

But if it’s made you recoil, whether because of the evidence that he was irresponsible in the past, or because of the idea of navigating relationships he might have with his kids now or when they’re adults, cut ties.

Dear Prudence, 

The neighborhood curmudgeon finally kicked the bucket after, from what I am told is a 50-plus-year reign of terrorizing the community.  “Miss Jones” made life a misery for everyone she encountered—screamed obscenities and threats of calling the police at neighborhood kids who had the temerity to ride past her place; frequently dumped her yard waste on the next door neighbors’ lawns; stole newspapers from others back when physical papers were a thing; allowed her dogs to defecate on other people’s property; thought nothing of plugging in an extension cord at the next door neighbor’s to help herself to some electricity, etc.

The problem is that my wife, for reasons I cannot understand, is insisting that our family attend her funeral! This woman had no friends or family willing to remain close to her for good reason. She says that’s the point. As far as I’m concerned, if that’s the way she feels, she’s welcome to go on her own, but she’s insisting on dragging the rest of us along. Our teenage children and I all think this isn’t right. Other than faking a collective case of food poisoning, how do the kids and I get out of this one?

—Ding Dong, The Witch Is Dead

Dear Ding Dong,

I agree with you that this is a bizarre choice, but it’s also kind of a heartwarming gesture on your wife’s part. It sounds like she’s the very opposite of Miss Jones—someone who cares deeply about others even when they’re, well, not alive to appreciate it.

Just go. Have the kids throw on something black and do what your wife is asking. Go out to a nice brunch afterward. At a moment when the world is in shambles, it will only cost you a couple of hours, and it might be a lesson on community, grace, showing up for each other even when we don’t really feel like it, and being a little bit kinder to people than they deserve. Plus, you never know when you might want your wife’s support for something that she thinks is nuts.

Prudie Wants to Hear From You!

Readers often have great suggestions for our letter writers, occasionally disagree with a point Prudie makes, or simply want to provide some additional advice. Each week, Prudie will be replying to some of these comments and suggestions from readers, which will be featured on the site on Fridays for Slate Plus members. Write to us!

Dear Prudence,

My husband and I have an 18-month-old who is regularly cared for by our wonderful sitter, “I Ivy.” Ivy is great with our son, kind, and extremely reliable. The problem? She likes to help herself to things in the fridge. I get that she’s a college student and on a budget, but there have been times when she’s used stuff that was intended to be served with our dinner. Should I say something to Ivy, or just look the other way and chalk this up as worth it to have a really good babysitter?

—Snack Attacked

Dear Snack,

Of course, you could just be very direct and say, “If you get hungry, please don’t eat the salmon or quinoa, I’m planning to use those for some meals,” but I completely get that being direct is not always comfortable. Plus, it’s already awkward enough inhabiting someone else’s personal space to care for their child without feeling like you’re in trouble for getting too comfortable, or like your habits are being monitored. I don’t want Ivy to think she’s done something wrong.

So let’s try to figure out another way to handle this.

I did some anecdotal research—and by research, I mean I read through a couple of Reddit threads—to confirm what I was pretty certain was the current consensus about babysitters and food. And it seems I was right: The vast majority of people who hire someone to watch their kids during a time that includes a mealtime will either offer unlimited access to the pantry and refrigerator or order a meal (often, pizza).

Allison Price Read More

I realize that providing a meal would tack on a significant cost (maybe even the cost of an additional hour or more, depending on what you provide and what rate you’re paying). But I’m just reporting the news about what’s expected, in the hopes that you don’t lose your amazing babysitter to another family who offers more perks. And hopefully, you think it’s worth it to accommodate someone trustworthy who is great with your kid.

Help! My Daughter’s Widower Is About to Remarry. I Can’t Believe Who He Chose. My Neighbor’s Kids Are “Homeschooled.” Uh, I’m Not So Sure That’s Even True. Help! My Fiancé Took a DNA Test. Now I’m Considering Calling Off the Wedding. The Day Care Next Door Treats My Driveway Like a Drop-Off Zone. I’m Done Being Understanding.

Alternatively—and perhaps, more affordably—you could just buy some extra food. You say Ivy is eating dinner-making supplies, and I’m thinking that may be because you’re an “ingredient household,” in which every food item is meant to be a component of a meal. If that’s the case, she’s likely preparing a baked potato or chicken breast with asparagus because there’s nothing quick and processed to grab. Then again, maybe she’s on Whole30 and wouldn’t eat chips or cookies even if you stocked them.

So, how about this: Next time you buy food, text her: “Hi Ivy! I’m doing the grocery shopping today. I know you’ll be here during lunchtime a few times this week and dinner next week, so I want to make sure I have stuff for you to eat. Anything special you would like?” Then offer some options that include traditional snacks and also a couple of things that you know she’s helped herself to: “Chips? Fruit? Almonds? Cheese? Bagged salad? Frozen burritos? Some pasta that you can make during naptime? Let me know!” And when she shows up, remind her what you bought and tell her where she can find it.

Hopefully, you’ll come home to a happy toddler and the majority of your groceries.

Classic Prudie

What do you do with green around the gills envy? My partner inherited a five-bedroom house, and we plan to renovate it with grand dreams. A music room, a library, a quilting studio, a room for our foster cat program—anything more than the one-bedroom condo we have been stuck in. Only my sister refuses to be happy for us…

Don't miss what's new from Prudie Get advice on manners and morals in your inbox three times a week.