Dear Prudence is Slate’s advice column. Submit questions here.

Dear Prudence,

I’m a 28-year-old woman, and my dad and I have worked really hard to repair our relationship since he and my mom divorced about 14 years ago, and he began a new relationship (that overlapped with his marriage) and decided he had little interest in being a dad anymore. I have two little siblings, and he has truly bettered himself and been there for us as adults in a way he wasn’t when we were still kids.

I’m writing because he recently created a photo server account for us to share, where he uploaded a bunch of photos from my childhood that I previously hadn’t seen.

Some photos concern me. For example, pictures of random women in bikinis at the pool on family beach vacations, pictures of my dad and more random women in the hot tub at my childhood home when we were presumably out of town with my mom, and close-up pictures of our family friend’s cleavage at my little brother’s birthday party. It makes me feel so gross, and I don’t know what to do. All of these pictures are at least 15 years old, but it really seems like my dad is/was a creep. He sometimes makes off-color comments about women now, but my siblings and I have always called him out and told him to knock it off. For what it’s worth, he has a new girlfriend who seems very normal. I was just starting to feel really good about our relationship again, and now I don’t know what to think.

—Is My Dad a Sex Pest?

Dear Dad,

Help! My Family Has a “Brilliant” Plan for My Niece’s College Housing. And It Somehow Involves Me. Help! I Want to Carry on a Sweet Family Tradition. But My Sister-in-Law Says It’s Unhealthy. Help! I Met Up With My Online Friends in Person. What I Did Next Ruined Everything. My Husband Pushed Us to Live Closer to His Family. Now He’s Complaining About the One Thing I Ask for in Return.

You seem to have at least suspected that your dad was a creep, and now you have visual proof that he was (is?) one. Think about the full picture of his life: his affair, his lack of interest in being a father to you, his turning over a new leaf and improving his behavior, and his ongoing womanizing antics. Start to notice how you feel when you talk to him and are in his presence. If the answer is anything other than “good and peaceful,” ask yourself what’s getting in the way. It could be that you need an apology for the era when he checked out of your life, or for the fact that he was unfaithful to your mom. Maybe you would feel better if he could assure you that he wouldn’t make any gross remarks in your presence. Or perhaps you really need to confront him about the photos, tell him how upsetting you found them, and see if he’s willing to acknowledge that he was wrong and show you that he’s changed.

Experiment with imagining these different scenarios and then ask for whatever would help you most. Sandwich your request between reminders that you really do want him to be in your life, but in a way that doesn’t force you to stifle pain or discomfort. I know that talking about this is going to be uncomfortable and possibly awkward. But that’s worth pushing through that discomfort. Your dad can handle it. A person who’s bold enough to make off-color comments about women in front of his own kids isn’t delicate and should be able to handle having a tough conversation about his behavior.

Classic Prudie

When I first met my husband, he made it clear that he never wanted children. I know it was wrong of me, but I wore him down: Seven years ago he became a very reluctant father, and we had another child three years later. It’s obvious now that we made a terrible mistake.

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